april 19

​

i remember a time when i wouldnt fall asleep because i just wanted you to stay awhile, so id act like i wasnt tired or sleep with one eye open or maybe even two eyes open if it was you next to me. id always ask you questions, open ended questions, one end extended to you and the other held tightly by me. it was a cruel game for my eyes, but it was always worth it. it was a time where i was a light sleeper, easily awoken by the sound of your breathing or all those elaborate stories youd tell to other people, and i was a part of them. i even remember the times i wanted to sleep, wanted to close my eyes and leave some questions unanswered, unasked. but i couldnt, the rise and fall of your chest was an earthquake and the vibrations at three am would keep me ever awake. since then, things have changed and thats not necessarily a bad thing. and i dont move, i dont shake along with the earthquake of your breath and i dont ask questions. its more like a weight allowed to sink, than an earthquake, and i think that maybe i had it wrong all along. because the falling is effortless and as it gets darker and darker i am somehow able to see clearer.